Welcome
Welcome to May's edition of People Matter, produced by CustomerClix.
CustomerClix is divided into two areas: Analyst Relations (AnalystClix) and Soft Skills Training (TrainingClix
). Thus this newsletter, People Matter, is sent to those that have attended our training courses and for selected friends.The newsletter contains snippets of information which will help people with their own or other people's personal development.
We do hope that you enjoy it. And that you might attend some of the enticing forthcoming events listed, which are a wonderful opportunity to meet others, share experiences and have fun!
With warmest wishes, as ever
Kim Crosby
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The Toast: That other proposal
In the United Kingdom, we have recently seen the Royal wedding of His Royal Highness Prince William, Duke of Cambridge KG FRS and Catherine Middleton. So, as this heralds the wedding season, here are tips for doing a wedding Toast.
From the simple civil cermony to the ultra-swank shindig, the toast is an ever present wedding tradition. As weddings become increasingly tailored to personal taste, more women in bridal parties are asked to say a few words and then raise a glass to the newlyweds. While these toasts bring depth and character to the reception, they can also induce jitters in someone who balks at public speaking.
But not to worry. If you've been asked to make a toast at your friend's wedding, there are ways to move past the terror and treat this as a chance to honour someone who obviously values your friendship and words.
When making a wedding toast, all but one rule can be broken: Short is sweet. Unless you have an excellent reason to hold the floor for more than a few minutes, don't be greedy for airtime.
And there's another unbreakable rule: Speak up. When you're wondering how loud to be, think of the bride's 90 year old aunt as your target audience. Speak clearly and slowly in your normal voice and project your voice. If you feel like you're speaking a bit too loudly, you're probably just right.
When preparing your words, keep in mind that a good wedding toast inspires laughter and tears, but a great toast evokes both. So start by thinking of some stories about the couple that are tender and lovely, such as recounting the time the vegetarian groom made the bride a pot of homemake chicken soup when she had a cold.
Next think of funny stories about the couple. This isn't a time to humliate the bride with tales of her first failed engagement. Rather consider some funny moments related to their being together. For example, talking about the couple's first blind date, where the groom appeared on roller blades and literally fell head over heels upon catching sight of his future bride.
Once you've narrowed down your stories to some concise anecdotes, think of how your own life is in some way richer because of your connection to the wedding couple. Maybe they helped you through a difficult time and you will be forever grateful for their support. There must be something that links you to them that the rest of the guests will nod at with appreciation and understanding.
This brief personal reflection is often a good way to conclude your speech before lifting a glass 'to Jane and John'. Again, don't stray from the personal. That's why you're speaking and the person next to you isn't.
Once you've written your toast, practise it in front of a friend who can tell you what needs tweaking and keep polishing it. When you're comfortable with your words, memorising them will make you feel more confident in your delivery, but feel free to have discreet note cards handy as a back up.
Finally, when your moment arrives, take a deep breathe, stand up and try to speak slowly and honestly from that place of love you feel for your friend who, in getting married, just did something more frightening than what you're doing. When it's over, graciously accept the compliments that a good toast inevitably receive. That's another reward; giving a toast makes it easy for people to approach you at the reception and gives you the opportunity to have far more fun than less visible guests.
Source: The Toast: That Other Proposal, p12-13, Toastmaster magazine, June 2007, Toastmasters International
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All hurry is anger: Back to living in the present tense
Clients respond with knowing recognition when we point out their habit of hurrying through their life. Just as coaches teach athletes to “be quick, but don’t hurry,” we can teach depressed people to back off from their sense of pushing and straining through their day. Immediately slowing down is easily learned when they feel themselves “pushing against the world.” If quickness is required, it must be learned without a sense of hurry, just as a pianist must learn to play difficult passages effortlessly but with great quickness.
We instruct them to avoid a sense of hurry, always. The instruction “Hurry!” is an attack upon oneself. It says something unwanted will happen if you do not speed up. It is an attack because it is a threat. This threat is recorded in the unconscious in the form of chase dreams in which no amount of hurry is enough to get away from a threat. “Being late” dreams in which one does not arrive in time are also common. Both are frightening. We feel out of control.
“Hurry!” means, “Avoid the present! Something bad will happen here!” It doesn’t say, “Go into a higher gear!” It does not assume that you even have a higher gear. To hurry always means to push against the world and yourself with crude emotion. That emotion is anger. That same anger chases and frightens you in your dreams; you cannot hurry enough to get away. Hurry and strain as much as you might, you cannot escape.
Anger can only be tamed while we are awake and a good starting point is to stop hurrying and pushing to get through the present as quickly as possible. As we slow down the present embraces us in life sustaining opportunities. A breeze attracts our movement through it; the sound of laughter moves our spirits.
If one desires quickness, skill is required. Self-pushing with a sense of hurry is like whipping an unskilled child to make them play a musical instrument faster. In order to play a musical instrument more quickly, we must practice slowly and thoroughly. Trying to hurry just results in increased emotion and decreased performance.
Organizations with a threatening culture of “hurry,” systematically produce the emotional climate needed to culture employee anger. This is related to job burnout. Where there is employee rage, there is likely to be a hothouse of hurry and depression, and visa versa.
Therefore, the first step toward living in the present is to eliminate the sense of hurrying. Whether sitting quietly or running swiftly, if we give the present its due, it lifts our burdens. The gate to the path of freedom and vitality is in the present. Like speaking in the present tense, living in the present tense means freeing ourselves from the false promise created using the future perfect tense. “I will have lived,” becomes “I am living.”
Written by Carl Semmelroth, PhD, Clinical Psychologist and author of The Anger Habit series of books including the highly recommended The Anger Habit: Proven Principles to Calm the Stormy Mind.
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Poet’s Corner: I Keep Six Honest Serving Men
Those of you that have attended our public speaking training sessions know the importance of working with words to craft compelling speeches. So, each month, we feature a topical poem or passage that illustrates this point, using lyrical English. This month it is a poem by the British poet, Rudyard Kipling.
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
I send them over land and sea,
I send them east and west;
But after they have worked for me,
I give them all a rest.
I let them rest from nine till five,
For I am busy then,
As well as breakfast, lunch, and tea,
For they are hungry men.
But different folk have different views;
I know a person small—
She keeps ten million serving-men,
Who get no rest at all!
She sends'em abroad on her own affairs,
From the second she opens her eyes—
One million Hows, two million Wheres,
And seven million Whys!
I Keep Six Honest Serving Men by British poet, Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
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Quotations
Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things, Author Unknown
No legacy is so rich as honesty, William Shakespeare (1564-1616), English dramatist & poet
I think in terms of the day's resolutions, not the year's, Henry Moore (1898-1986), British sculptor
Before I speak, I have something important to say, Groucho Marx (1890-1977), US comedian with the Marx Brothers
And if your birthday is in May, your birthstone is...
Who first beholds the light of day
In Spring's sweet flowery month of May
And wears an emerald all her life
Shall be a loved and happy wife
Anonymous.
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Forthcoming events
Here are some forthcoming events that we hope are of interest to people who have attended our training courses - and friends too - that have an interest in the personal development of themselves or others. Do come along, mingle, chat and have fun. All are very welcome!
Tue 3rd May 2011 - 18:30-20:00 hours - Lecture: Zero Degrees of Empathy: A new theory of human cruelty by Professor Simon Baron-Cohen - Sheikh Zayed Theatre, New Academic Building, The London School of Economics and Political Science, Houghton Street, London, WC2A 2AE, United Kingdom - Fee: Free
Thu 5th May 2011 - 19:00-20:30 hours - Lecture: Pleasure and Pain by Dr Morten Kringlebach and Professor Irene Tracey, Royal Institution, 21 Albemarle Street, London, W1S 4BS, United Kingdom - Fee: £10 per person
Sat 7th May 2011 - 11:00-15:00 hours - Open Day - Chelsea and Westminster Hospital NHS Foundation Trust, 369 Fulham Road, London, SW10 9NH, United Kingdom - Fee: Free
Mon 9th May 2011 - 18:00-19:30 hours - Debate: Research is always going to be more democratic than elections - Committee Room 10, House of Commons, London, SW1A 0AA, United Kingdom - Fee: £12 per person (administration charge)
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