Welcome
Welcome to June's edition of People Matter, produced by CustomerClix.
CustomerClix is divided into two areas: Analyst Relations (AnalystClix) and Soft Skills Training (TrainingClix
). Thus this newsletter, People Matter, is sent to those that have attended our training courses and for selected friends.The newsletter contains snippets of information which will help people with their own or other people's personal development.
We do hope that you enjoy it. And that you might attend some of the enticing forthcoming events listed, which are a wonderful opportunity to meet others, share experiences and have fun!
With warmest wishes, as ever
Kim Crosby
Top of page
How to make a great first impression
From time to time, we all have to meet new people. During those moments, you may not consciously think about the importance of making a good first impression. However, conscious or not, you always make a first impression.
Sometimes, because of the person you're meeting or the situation you're in, you may want to make more than just an impression; you'll want to make a great impression.
The good news is, you can make great first impressions happen regularly and almost predictably by following a few suggestions. Surprisingly, these suggestions may not be what you thought or have been taught.
Remember, since the impression is actually formed by the other person, the fact is, what they think is ultimately out of your control. Even so, using these ideas will give you a greater chance to create impressions that lead to further conversations, goodwill, new relationships and additional business, as well as greater job and life satisfaction. With those benefits in mind, let's look at how to make a lasting and good first impression.
Relax. You want the new client, you want the job, you want the adte - whatever the situation is, take the pressure off of yourself! Relax and just be yourself. Think about it: You can tell when people are anxious or nervous, right? Does it make you more attracted to them? No, it doesn't. However, you should remember that people you meet want to like you. They simply need to feel comfortable knowing that you're comfortable too. So relax.
Smile. Few things are more attractive than a real smile - it doesn't matter if you are young or old, smiles make a difference. Whether you've spent thousands on your pearly whites doesn't matter. Let people know you are happy to meet them before a word is said. The best way to do that is with a smile. The old line, 'smiles increase your face value', is an old line because it's true.
Use a good handshake. This one simply can't be overlooked. A good handshake says things about you that words never can. As a rule, keep your hand open and make sure your handshake will be a hand shake not a finger or palm shake. Make your grip firm, and adjust it to the firmness of the other person's grip. Learn to give a great handshake. Practice it. Make it your habit.
Make eye contact. In most parts of the world, this is incredibly important. Everyone has heard it, everyone 'knows' it, but far too many people don't do it. This actually is good news for you - because when you do make eye contact consistently, you stand out.
Be genuine and real. Be yourself. Be natural. After all, you want people's impression to be of who you really are, not of some mask you have created.
Be interested, not interesting. This turn of words is powerful. Often making a great first impression is equated with impressing people. While that is true, most think that impressing people is about whowing what we know, who we know or what we've done. You will make a more powerful and lasting impression when you don't try so hard.
Ask more, say less. You will show your interest in the other person by asking more questions and talking less. When you ask, you are signaling your interest. Asking helps you learn about the other person, and who doesn't like it when people want to know about them?
Be confident. Being confident coupled with being relaxed leads to a projected self-assurance that is both interesting and attractive. Don't try too hard, and don't take confidence as your lone tip (notice that over-confident or cocky isn't specified here); when you combine confidence with the other suggestions in this article, your approach will be more effective.
Be present. Being present means not looking for the next hand to shake, not thinking about your own issues or deciding how to move on. It is about being with the person you are meeting, for however long you are engaged with them in conversation. Many of the other tips on this list will happen naturally when you are truly in the moment with the person.
Remember, it isn't about you. Make the encounter as much about the other person as possible and you will make a great first impression most of the time. If you are especialy nervous in networking situations or if you are reading these tips before an especially important meeting, remember this tip and apply it: It is all about the other person. As paradoxical as it may seen, making a good impression will come easiest when you focus not on yourself, but on the other person.
Source: How to make a great first impression, p12-13, Toastmaster magazine, May 2011, Toastmasters International
Top of page
Magical Control vs Cooperative Obedience
I love it when an Admiral or Navy Captain in a movie says 'Make it so!' I think it must have been Jean-Luc Picard who started giving orders like that in Star Trek. Giving a command in this way and seeing the result must be the closest any human gets to feeling like a creator of something out of nothing. Just say, 'Make it so!' and poof, an action comes into being without any further effort. Such would be heaven for my two-year old self who still likes living within me so well that he refuses to leave. Perhaps it is his elation that I feel.
But an older self, tells me that total control is a magical wish. Or perhaps I should refer to adulthood as a younger self, since it showed up more recently than my childhood. Adult or child, control by magical wish or command, like all magic in our natural world, can only be illusory. The appearance of control by command, like all other magic, requires some natural but hidden explanation. Those who proclaim 'make it so' may pretend that their gun, or their authority, or their community position makes their utterances into controlling imperatives for others. Not so.
Control of other persons’ behavior requires willing subjects. Only physical manhandling requires no cooperation. In order to get a fully puffed up buzz out of saying “make it so,” we must shield ourselves from the fact that all obedience is to some degree voluntary. Servants may shuffle and sergeants may salute; but they really could have decided to do otherwise.
Paradoxically, it is that magic-loving-stubborn two-year old in us who reminds us with his 'NO!' that we too could always say no. He or she shows up most frequently when we are attempting to rule our selves with simple commands, that is, our will power. Something there is within us that shows us we can do otherwise just when we want to take command over our selves.
It’s pretty obvious that we don’t always magically respond even to our own 'will'. 'Don’t eat that cookie!' when said to ourselves is often met with non-compliance. My experience when I try to order myself about with no other tool except “Do it.” is similar to my experience when I try to order my dog around when he is more than 10 or 15 feet away – indifference.
We all experience this failure of “will power” and often respond the way I do to my dog’s indifference when commands fail. We get angry and speak louder and more threateningly. That doesn’t usually work with my dog and it doesn’t work with me. Not that my harsh words directed at myself don’t make me feel bad. It’s just that I may feel bad rather than good while I’m failing to mow the lawn or clean out the garage.
Words have no magical power to “make things so” whether they are used to command our selves or others. Obedience, ours or others, is required for execution of commands.
What do I do? First, I try to forget control. It is an illusion. It’s a cheap illusory thrill. Second, I try to own the tasks that I tell myself to do instead of treating them as a performance. It is hardly a secret that people as well as animals obey commands much more readily when they feel they are cooperating in a common effort than when they feel they are just tools - robots - that are being used by someone.
A herding dog obeys commands from long distance when he’s involved with a herdsman in a herding chore. I also obey self commands much more readily when I feel they are directions that are part of a cooperative effort. Most of us don’t balk at instructions given by the Global Positioning System (GPS) device in our car when it says something like 'Turn left at the next light!'
Perhaps we would all do better if we sought less control and more agreements to shared plans which make obedience cooperative instead of magical.
Written by Carl Semmelroth, PhD, Clinical Psychologist and author of The Anger Habit series of books including the highly recommended The Anger Habit: Proven Principles to Calm the Stormy Mind.
Top of page
Poet’s Corner: June
Those of you that have attended our public speaking training sessions know the importance of working with words to craft compelling speeches. So, each month, we feature a topical poem or passage that illustrates this point, using lyrical English. This month it is a poem by the Irish born poet, Francis Duggan.
It's beautiful the Summer month of June
When all of God's own wildflowers are in bloom
And sun shines brightly most part of the day
And butterflies o'er lush green meadows play.
Light hearted skylark songster of the wing
High o'er the quiet and lonely moorland sing
Above her nest cloaked by the tangled heath
Her charming song so exquisitely sweet.
So mellow the gentle breath of june day breeze
The birds rejoicing on the leafy trees
And dappled trout in pool bed of the stream
Bask in the sun their spotted skins agleam.
God gave us June and all her lovely flowers
Bright sunny days and pleasant evening hours
Shady green glens and serene sunlit dells
And leafy bowers adorned with blue bluebells.
But god June's maker has the final say
And what he give he also take away
And God's own larks will trumpet in the sky
To celebrate the birthday of July.
June by Francis Duggan, Irish-born poet, living in Australia
Top of page
Quotations
Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things... I am tempted to think... There are no little things, Bruce Barton (1886-1967), Author, advertising executive, politician
There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people, Muhammad Ali (1942-), US boxer
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give, Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965), British politician & Prime Minister
I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap, Bob Hope (1903-2003), US (English-born) actor & comedian
And if your birthday is in June...
Who comes with Summer to this earth
And owes to June her day of birth
With ring of agate on her hand
Can health, wealth and long life command
Anonymous
Top of page
Forthcoming events
Here are some forthcoming events that we hope are of interest to people who have attended our training courses - and friends too - that have an interest in the personal development of themselves or others. Do come along, mingle, chat and have fun. All are very welcome!
Wed 8th Jun 2011 - 19:00-20:30 hours - Lecture: Nurturing ideas that matter by Tim Harford at the Royal Institution, 21 Albemarle Street, London, W1S 4BS, United Kingdom - Fee: £10 per person
Thu 23rd Jun 2011 - 19:00-20:30 - Lecture: The origin of our species by Professor Chris Stringer at the Royal Institution, 21 Albemarle Street, London, W1S 4BS, United Kingdom - Fee: £10 per person
And remember to tell us if you do plan to attend, so that we can rendezvous with you.
Top of page
|
